from Fiona, mom of Owen, born March 2008

Christy has a lovely aura of calmness and peace about her that is just so comforting to expectant mamas. I remember that that was the first thing I noticed about her when we met - actually, even before that-when we first talked on the phone! I said to my husband, Mike, at one point during my pregnancy, "if anyone is meant to be a midwife, it's Christy!" I often think back to all of those happy prenatal visits and the complete faith you had in me. It truly is a comfort to me. It really is true that compassionate, loving care during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum creates a ripple effect that touches everyone around that mama and baby, and lasts for a lifetime!

Fiona, mom of Owen, born March 2008.

Peaceful birth, peaceful earth!

Women’s choices about where and how to give birth to our babies are being threatened, while women’s belief in the inherent ability of our bodies to give birth is being eroded. This is a dangerous combination for our planet as well as for mothers and babies! Amongst midwives there is a saying that "a woman births like she lives." The birth culture in a society is a microcosm and reflection of the priorities, hopes and fears of the larger world we live in. In birth and in our mainstream society there is an over-reliance on technology, a reluctance to question authority, a willingness to be a passive observer rather than an active engaged participant in one's life and community, use of fear as a means of control and power, and limitations on personal choices and freedoms in favor of a perceived guarantee of safety. To combat this cultural current, we can act in ways that offer an alternative in all areas of our lives. We can: QUESTION AUTHORITY, get to know our neighbors, know where our food and water come from, take time to really breath, support local businesses, drive less, seek out alternative sources for news and current events, be mindful of our responses to information and events designed to scare us and strive to make decisions and reactions based more on love and openness, than fear and self-protection.

The most powerful weapon in the world is a mother's love for her child. As mothers, as midwives, as women, we have this weapon, this tool, at our disposal in great quantities. Let us use it to work for change and to create a peaceful healthy world for our children and their children. May our daughters inherit from us a deep, abiding trust in their bodies’ ability to give birth. Let us create a culture that recognizes that how a woman gives birth to herself as mother and to her baby does matter! Peaceful birth, peaceful earth!

from Melissa, mom of Arden, born Dec 2006

As a midwife myself, my challenge in pregnancy and birth was to let go of everything I knew and be in the moment. Christy was incredible in her support of my processes, even when I rejected her suggestions in labor and proved to be a difficult mama with a difficult birth! My prenatal visits lasted forever as I explored the changes happening to me, physically, mentally and emotionally.

And Christy was always available outside of those visits if I had a concern, question or just wanted to share a thought via email or telephone. I will always treasure her extraordinary holistic care.

Christy's trust in women and in birth are shining examples for me in my professional life. She works tirelessly to empower women, protect birth as a natural though riveting life event and give our babies gentle, loving beginnings that they deserve. Jim, Arden and I are grateful that she was our midwife on that most powerful day of our lives!

Melissa Youssi, CNM Arden Phoenix Brewster 12/31/06 at 17:29, 9 lbs 8 oz, 21.5 inches

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Livia's birth...Good things come to those who wait!

The day Livia was born I was 14 days past due. It was the end of June and we had just gone through another heat wave. My anxiety levels were high and I was worried about the health of the baby, although there was no indication that the baby or myself was under any stress. I had just talked to Christy and we decided to have another nonstress test before going into the weekend (it was Friday) If I did not have the baby by the end of the weekend we were going to talk about other options. Right before I was about to leave for the 2 pm appointment, I had my first contraction. Up until this point, I had MANY Braxton-Hicks contractions, some very long and intense, but this was the real deal. It stopped me in my tracks and I could not move until it was over. I was so happy- it was about to begin!!! My fiancé, Giancarlo, Christy and I decided that it would be best to still have the nonstress test since the beginning stage of labor can last hours. So off we went…

The contractions began to build in intensity while I was waiting for the test to begin. I met each contraction with breath and tried to relax each muscle in my body while the contraction took over. After completing the test and learning that the baby was doing great, we went home to wait it out. Around 5:30pm, we called Christy to let her know that the contractions did not have a pattern but were quite intense and closer together. She was on her way…

At this point, time became irrelevant. The contractions were all consuming and the spaces in between felt like heaven. I looked forward to the spaces in between and used them to laugh, sip juice, and sit back. When Christy arrived, we were upstairs in the bedroom and I was getting nervous because the contractions were exhausting me. I was not sure I would have the energy to get through labor if they kept coming at the rate they were coming. I drew a bath and immersed my body in warm water, which helped a whole lot to relax me. I recall at one point something in my body told me to push. I told Christy this and she popped her head into the bathroom and said “Really?! Why don’t you get out of the bath so I can check you.” After she checked me she said that my water would break any minute and she was right- about 2 minutes later my water came splashing to the floor. It felt like my body just let out a huge sigh of relief. Apparently, I was already approximately 8 cm dilated and ready to go!

I stayed in the bedroom for the remainder of labor. The contractions were overpowering my ability to stay connected to those around me and I remember opening my eyes and seeing Giancarlo next to me, or Christy or Beth, but for the most part I felt like I was floating between 2 worlds. After each contraction ended it felt like I entered the space that occurs right before you fall asleep. My thoughts were random and spacey and I was so tired. Pushing the baby was all I had the ability to concentrate on. At one point I opened my eyes and I saw Christy arranging the supplies to cut the cord and clean the baby so I knew the end was in sight!! I felt if I continued to push while on my side it would take much longer, so I looked at Giancarlo and told him I wanted to stand up and “get this done!” I was holding on to the edge of the bed with my knees bent and after two contractions, she was born! It was 11:13pm. Beth handed her to me through my legs and I was in awe. She was beautiful and perfect, and I could not believe that she came from inside me! This moment was so much bigger than me. I just delivered Life into the World. We were shocked because we both were convinced that “she” was going to be a “he”, however, once we laid eyes on her we fell in love. We named her Livia Maria and she was 9lbs 9oz and 21.5 inches long. I felt amazing. The “hormone cocktail” that my body created left me chatty and exhilarated. Delivering the placenta was a breeze in comparison to the baby and Beth helped me into the shower to clean me up. About an hour or so later, the 4 of us shared a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Not only was a beautiful baby born, but the journey leading up to that moment was more fulfilling than we could have imagined!!

Evelyn's Birth...an early surprise!

June 25, 2008

I really was not expecting to have her when I did. I really thought she’d be born the next week but that wasn’t her plan. I woke up at 3 in the morning with cramps and having to pee, and then I realized my mucus plug had come out. I got really excited, but then read the pregnancy book and thought, I’m just in false labor, I should call Christy in the morning to maybe get an appointment that day. So I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t so I put on my kimono and went to the attic to tell Mike what was going on. He was just going to bed at that point so I tried to let him sleep while I walked around the house and felt like I had to pee a lot. I thought about what it would be like to be in labor and sang little songs to her. Then I tried to sleep. I woke up at 6:45 with a powerful urge to pee! I got out of bed and suddenly my water broke all over the floor. I said oh I just pee’d on myself and then realized things were bloody and got so excited and thought I still had to pee! Mike woke up Martina then and we called Christy. What I remember her saying was “Well, take your temperature every 4 hours and call me in a little while”. And I thought You’re not coming for more than 4 hours, I’m not just going to have the baby now? I called Rene then too and left a message, hoping the baby wouldn’t come before she could get here from New York. After that memory things start to get hazy. The contractions were very intense, Martina held my hand and I just needed to focus on her. She would say “open, open” with me to help me get my cervix to open, Mike was filling up the tub and all the things I thought I had wanted for my birth just went away and it was only Martina holding me and talking me through the contractions. She and Mike had been timing them and called Christy when it seemed things were getting more intense for me. I leaned on the edge of the bed for a long time with Martina behind me rocking and saying “open, open, open, down, down, down”. I tried not to screech. I cursed, and after the midwives got there I felt like I shouldn’t curse but I did anyway and it really helped! Christy kept making me drink and eat and I really didn’t want to! I only wanted emergen-C but wasn’t supposed to have too much of that. Before she got there I had thrown up which felt so good but I didn’t want to do it again. I got into the tub thinking all the pain would melt away but it didn’t! I was having trouble getting situated in it, it was too big and it felt like too much to have someone else in there with me so I finally got out and maybe got on the birth ball or maybe the bed. I remember when I was on the ball Pepper (our dog) looking out at me from under the bed so concerned. I remember Rene coming in and I wanted to get up and hug her, I was so glad she was there but I was on the bed and so far into labor, I could just moan and yell and try not to screech. Mike and Martina were on the bed with me and Christy would check the baby’s heartbeat. She checked to see how dilated I was and it hurt so much but she was so nice about it and I remember trying tell her it was ok, I knew it was important. The midwives were really unobtrusive. They were there and helping but really who I remember most was Martina being there for me always and holding my hand and me. When Christy checked me the 2^nd time and said I could go ahead and push whenever I wanted I couldn’t believe it! I felt so excited and then thought oh no, she has to be a water birth! I remember saying but I want to get in the tub, can’t I get in the tub? And Karen saying in such a lovely way “you can be wherever you want sweetheart”. I actually didn’t want to get in the tub, it seemed so hard, but I really wanted her to be born in the water! Rene said later that I seemed so much more comfortable in the tub than I had been on the bed. Everyone was around me, it seemed like there were so many people and it was such hard work to push her out, for me it really was so painful the whole thing, and the hardest work I’ve ever done. It felt so good not to have a contraction but also I just wanted her to be out in the world and for it all to be over with. At the end of it, before her head was out but when Christy and Mike said they could see it during one of the relaxing times I remember saying “well, I guess I’m not going to have an orgasm!” I had been reading a lot of Ina May Gatskin. Christy said “I’m writing that down on your birth chart!” And then she was here. Her head came out and I remember looking down and thinking ‘that looks so freaky, I’m not supposed to think that!’ And then her shoulders were out and Christy and Mike handed her to me, all covered in vernix with a full head of hair. And I said “I just love her so much”. Soon everyone helped me out of the tub and onto the bed. Mike and I just looked at her and it all felt so crazy and good. A little while after she was born while she was nursing, she stopped moving and started turning blue. That was so scary, Christy and Karen immediately went into action, rubbing her feet and back and waving oxygen under her nose. Christy told me that I should talk to her and I just didn’t have any idea what to say. I was so scared, it hadn’t even occurred to me that she could just die, she was so little and just on the border of life in this world; but then she was fine. She pinked up and started nursing again and it was like it had never happened. We ended up taking shifts to watch her the first night. Now that night seems so special, waking up to nurse her and talking to my best friends who were holding her through the night while I tried to sleep.

I can’t say enough wonderful things about Christy & Karen. They made my birth experience and post-partum feel really safe. They’re both so knowledgeable, caring, compassionate and fun! I feel so lucky and blessed that they were my midwives.

Melody's birth: So much faster the second time!

Birth Story of Melody Ann, 7 lbs, 14 oz, 21.5 inches

My labor officially began at 1:20PM on 5/31/08 when my water broke while I was nursing my 22 month old son to sleep for his nap! This was 1 day prior to my due date. Prior to the water breaking, I had a really strong contraction, and then it felt as if something had punctured the water bag, and that was it. Well, then I proceeded to call the students I had scheduled for music lessons that afternoon to cancel the lessons.

I started to have mild contractions spaced out every 10 to 15 minutes, but nothing I couldn’t function through. This continued until around 4 PM when the contractions began to intensify and become about 5 minutes apart. I did not think I was that far along in my labor because my first labor was a total of 48 hours. I kept Christy updated throughout the afternoon and by 6:30 she felt she should come over. Between 6:30-8 the contractions became increasingly stronger and closer together. I now needed to either squat or hold on to something to get through a contraction. I spent most of this time by myself, just concentrating on the labor process, praying and singing. Christy arrived around 8, and suggested that since my belly was hanging so low we could put my belly band on to give some support, and also suggested that I lay down. The contractions did not slow down or change at all from laying down, in fact they got more and more intense, and by 8:30 they were coming pretty much on top of each other, or no more than a minute apart. I started to feel shaky, nauseas and to feel some slight pressure. All of the sudden around 9PM I no longer felt comfortable laying down and wanted to get up. As I tried to get up, a contraction came on really strong and I started to push. This really surprised me because I had no idea I was that far along.

I got into the hands and knees position on my bed, and Christy was desperately trying to get my clothes off me as I was still wearing them! Two or 3 contractions later Christy said she could see the baby’s head! Again, I was shocked as I had expected a much longer birth process. (Note from Christy: Rachel has her first birth with Karen Webster and I two years earlier and had a very long labor and pushing stage, so this very fast progression was a big surprise to her!) It was only a few contractions more and the baby’s head was born and one hand/arm right behind it. I felt like I knew what to do this time, I remembered from the previous birth. The next contraction the baby’s body was born. What an amazing feeling. The whole birth was awesome, and there she was, my baby girl! She was born at 9:16PM. Christy’s support and timely suggestions during the labor and birth process was so reassuring.

Seraphina's Birth...Birth Bliss!

Seraphina’s Birth Story On the day that Seraphina was born On the day that Seraphina was born On the day that Seraphina was born The angels sang and they blew on their horns And they danced and they danced They smiled and raised up their hands On the day, on the day that Seraphina was born

I thought for sure that you would be a Holy Week baby.  We weren’t sure about your due date – late March seemed a good estimate.  So with Easter early that year, March 23 I thought maybe you’d be born on Good Friday or Easter.  On Good Friday we did the Stations of the Cross walk from Woodland Church to the Woodlands Cemetery that I had planned and led 2 years earlier.  This year I did not lead it since I was anticipating your arrival.  It was very cold that day.  I was wearing my puffy winter coat zipped up and wished that I had gloves.  Daffodils were in bloom but the cold wind definitely made that March day feel more like a lion than a lamb.   There were about 20 grown up people gathered in the church side yard and bunches of kids in back packs and strollers and wandering around.  Everyone had a plastic bag to pick up trash along the way- a tangible way to remember that Jesus picks up the garbage of our lives.  When we were all walking up 41st St. from Baltimore to Chester suddenly Reuben Wetherbee had a panicked look on his face and said that he didn’t know where Perry was.  Perry, the youngest of their 4 children, was only 2 and a half. The last place Reuben remembered seeing him was on 42nd and Baltimore.  I was towards the back of the group and immediately I turned around and began searching for Perry.  Malachi and Zora were with me and we were calling his name and looking around.  When we got to 42nd and Baltimore I wondered if he had wandered to Clark Park.  So I took off running tripped on the curb and landed –PLOP- on my nine months full belly of you!  Malachi was beside me and said, “Oh, Mommy I wish I had caught you.”  My friend Eun, who is a medical student, came beside me and checked me over to make sure that neither you nor I were hurt.  There was a yellow jacket University City security guard on the corner who asked me if I was OK.  I said, “Yes I’m fine, I’m just so worried about Perry.” I just sat there on the cold red brick sidewalk and began to weep.  Crying with the stinging pain of falling flat on my belly, crying for little Perry and his parents, crying with relief that you were safely cushioned in my unbroken amniotic sac, crying with embarrassment that I had fallen splat on the sidewalk and crying for finally feeling a sliver of the suffering that Jesus endured on the day of his execution.  In the Traditional Pre-Vatican II Stations of the Cross, which has details that aren’t in the biblical narrative,  Jesus falls three times.  I turned to Susie who was kneeling beside me with great concern on her face and smiled, “Remember this when they make me a saint.”  My cell phone rang.  It was Michael.  Perry had  been found and was fine.  Collective sigh of relief.

I was so relieved that I did not go into labor that day.  I came home and napped.  Then I called Christy.  I was not having any bleeding, fluids or contractions just a small abrasion on my tummy and bruised knees. I had felt you wiggle and roll around plenty since the fall so I knew you were OK.  Christy encouraged me to take some arnica and get some rest.  I am so thankful that I did not have to rush into the hospital for an ultrasound.  I’m glad that she and I both trusted that everything would be all right.  What a relief to not add more fear and anxiety to an already stressful experience.

Easter Sunday, still pregnant.  I was achy all over from the fall.  I think that I had tensed up all the muscles in my body and they were taking their time to relax.  The bruises on my knees made it really hurt to do pelvic rocks.  At church I just rolled my eyes and sighed at anyone who said, “You’re still pregnant?” No, actually I’m just fat the baby was born yesterday.  I felt so tired of being pregnant, of people asking me how I was doing, when it was due, and are you sure there’s only one baby in there?  One person thought I was in labor because I was rocking and swaying and bending over so much.  I knew that you were low down because the Tuesday before Christy had checked me and I was almost fully effaced, a centimeter dilated and your head was at plus 2 station.  I could feel your head so low inside me and I thought that if I just kept rocking and moving you would have to just come on out.

March 25 was a full day.  My belly was huge and I could feel your head low in my pelvis.  I wore my stretchy beige corduroy pants and a beige shirt with a white T-Shirt over it.  I thought about how novitiates in various religious groups often dress all in white as an outward symbol of spiritual purity.  I felt light and energetic that day.  I knew that you would be born soon and so I did as much as I could to not think about how much I wanted to go into labor as I had been hoping for the past 2 weeks.  The sky was bright blue and beautiful.

In the morning Zora and I brought Rice Crispy treats to Malachi’s school to celebrate his birthday with his class.  Then we drove back home and Zora spent the afternoon at Susans.  Then Malachi came with me to see Christy- any minute now we agreed.   We stopped at Ross and I bought Malachi walkie talkies for his birthday.  Then we drove to CHOP to have his cast cut off.  He had broken his arm jumping from the monkey bars 3 weeks earlier and getting his cast cut off was a huge treat.  When we got back to the van I realized that I couldn’t find my keys because they were still in the ignition in our locked van.  Michael biked over to unlock it.  Then we got home and I whipped up some homemade Mac and cheese and smoked weenies for his birthday party. Jonah and Caleb Sim Laramee came over with their mom and dad and Coretta came over too.  She took a picture of me standing beside the strawberry shortcake which looked like a beautiful pile of birthing leftovers.  I wanted so badly to pour out the delightful contents of my heavy womb like a lovely cake.   I noticed that I kept having contractions at dinner but I was able to eat and talk and laugh right through them.  Malachi fell asleep quick and sound by 9 o’clock but Zora couldn’t settle.  She noticed that I kept pacing and changing positions.  Michael had just gone out for 10 minutes to drive Coretta home.  When he came back I said- “Fill up the tub I am in labor!” The rushes were coming strong and steady.  I called Coretta and told her to come back over.  I called Christy around 9:30 and had to pause when I was talking with her.  Michael had to call Jessica because at that point they were coming one after the other and I couldn’t talk through them at all.

Zora was awake and aware as ever.  She hopped to work, helping daddy fill the birthing tub.  She grabbed all of her bath toys and took off all her clothes- what fun!  She played happily in the filling tub while I paced the hallway, stopping to moan and lean on the wall, Michael, the dresser, the door jam whatever could hold me as I felt my insides stretching and your body pressing a way out.  I would step in the birthing room and smile at my 3 year old birthing nymph carrying on without fear of all the sounds that mommy was making.

Jessica arrived and soon after Coretta and Christy were there.  I was not paying attention to time.  Coretta and Jess poured pots full of water into the tub to help fill it since the hot water heater had emptied and needed to take time to heat the next tank of water.  I just kept thinking I wanted to be in the tub.  So I got in when it was filling.  Zora was in there with me gently tapping my back.  She gently touched my breasts and said to Christy, “Tisty, do you have some cream for my mommies na-na?”  That made us all laugh.  I thanked her for thinking of me and trying to help me feel better.  I assured her that I was OK but that I was going to make some even bigger sounds pretty soon so that we could meet the baby soon. Jessica brought over the meditation that I had painted in anticipation of your birth.  It was an image that looked like a flame or an opening vagina and it said from Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you be strong and be of good courage do not be afraid, neither be dismayed for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”  She placed it where I could see it and that brought me comfort and encouragement.

I got out of the tub and sat on the edge of the futon leaning back on Michael.  My contractions seemed to be getting further apart but deeper and stronger when they came.  I would lean back and fall asleep on Michael between them.  My mind would wander and I would be dreaming and then I would wake up bend forward and moan then lean back to let my mind wander when it was over.  At one point between contractions I was thinking about the story of the prodigal son and I wondered what the word “prodigal” meant.  So I asked Michael “Why do we call it the story of the prodigal son, did Jesus ever use the word prodigal, what does prodigal mean?”  He just held me close and said he didn’t know.  He told me later that he wanted to go downstairs and research the answer to my questions but decided it might not be the best time. Good call.

We moved from the futon to our bedroom.  I paused in the doorway and said, “It’s too much, it hurts too much!”  Coretta couldn’t believe what I was saying.  She knew I had been through labor 2 times already.  But I had never delivered this baby who still had to make that short trip from my womb to my welcoming arms. At some point Christy told me that it was midnight now so the baby wouldn’t have the same birthday as Malachi.  I was glad, I knew you would be born very soon.  Michael sat on the bed behind me and I sat in front of him and leaned back on him.  I moaned so deep and loud and long I was amazed that Malachi slept through it all since our bedrooms are adjoining.  Karen arrived and I heard her whisper to Christy that the tub was ready.  I said “Yes, yes, I want to get into the tub.”  When I got up I saw bloody show and my mucous plug on the chucks pad on the bed.  I asked Jessica to wake up Malachi and bring him into the birthing room since he said he wanted to see the birth.

Somehow I got from our bedroom to the tub.  Surrounded by warm water holding me in a comforting embrace bathed in grace- the tub felt like heaven.  I wanted Michael in there with me.  He doesn’t like water too hot, he wanted to just lean over the side but I insisted so he got in anyway.  What love.  Zora wanted to get in too but I told her it would be too messy and crowded.  She stood on the side, rapt.  Malachi sat on Jessica’s lap.  Coretta was there too. On the next rush I felt a pop and a gush- my water broke it was 12:10. Your head was so low. I said that I wanted to push.   Christy looked in my eyes and said I could just catch my baby if I wanted too.  I was so glad that she didn’t say I needed to be checked and that no one told me when and how to push.  We all knew it was time for me to push.  I knew that she and Karen trusted the process.  I opened my legs and put my hands between them and felt just the tiniest tip of your head.  I pushed again and there was more of you.  Christy’s hands were there too, supporting my perineum and she noticed that your hand was there too- uh oh!  Christy took your hand and gently guided it back in and kept her hand there to support me.  I was afraid that I might tear again but she and Karen both assured me that I was stretching beautifully.  So one more push and gush and there you were in my hands in the water, up quickly up to the surface and crying lustily in my arms.  It was 12:20.  My hands here between your legs, were you a boy or a girl?  I pulled out my hands and they were covered in thick black meconium.  Even a handful of poop could not steal my bliss.  I checked again you were a girl, my sweet Seraphina Rose.  I got out of the tub and you were quiet, peaceful, looking around.  I still needed the placenta to come out so I put you on the breast to help that process.  You were a good strong nurser.  It took half an hour for the placenta to come, what a relief it was healthy and all in one piece.  After getting cleaned up and moving into our bed you were weighed and measured.  What a big girl 8lbs 8oz and 21 inches long.  And I tore only so slightly that there was no need for stitches!  Praise the Lord!

Liliana's Birth...fast & furious

Having the privilege of videotaping my friends homebirth (with Christy and Karen Webster as her midwives) is what started it all. The need to be a Doula and desire to become a midwife.

As we all know, life can be quite demanding and we can sometimes stray away from what truly inspires us. When i learned i was pregnant i was working as a phlebotomist and had no idea what kind of journey was ahead of me. I knew this little miracle growing inside my belly needed me to do the best that i could to help it grow and come into this world the way nature intended.

The father of the baby was very pessimistic about a homebirth and we argued back and forth in terms of what was "safe" and "normal" for the first trimester. But through the help of The Bradley Method classes he soon came around and was just as excited and passionate about the birth at home.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and all of a sudden this little heartbeat evolved into a kick boxer in the making. As my due date came closer the reality was beginning to set in. It was all of a sudden time to order my birth kit and set up my birthing tub in the dining room. My due date came and passed with no baby. I couldn't figure out why the spicy foods, bouncing on the exercise ball, yoga, sex and walking was not helping this baby come OUT!

The sixth day I had to meet the FOB's family for breakfast and everyone swore that i looked "so different" and that the baby was coming that night. I wasn't at all excited because at this point i figured "what's another 6 days". Contractions came and went all day but nothing that made me feel as though i would have this baby any time soon. Then finally 10pm the contractions really had my attention but were not unbearable and not consistent. Around 1:30am there was no possible way that i could ignore these contractions. I got up to use the bathroom and my water broke. I knew there was no turning back when i couldn't get myself off the toilet for two contractions. I crawled back into the bedroom and quickly called Christy around 1:45am. She tried to convince me to get some rest and to go back to sleep and so did the FOB. I thought these people were insane and there was absolutely no way that i was getting any rest with contractions like these. I made my way down the stairs to be by myself and work through a few contractions on my own but the FOB soon found me and was helping and coaching me through these intense contractions that just did not let up.

Another call to Christy and a good friend of mine were made by FOB and i was in full blown labor. Christy was on her way. I felt like i just couldn't get a break and didn't know how long i would be able to go on experiencing contractions coming one on top of the other. Then the strangest thing happened and i couldn't control the urge to push. Finally my friend arrived (who has two homebirths under her belt) and i remember looking at her with such confusion and asking her why i felt the urge to push and how it was out of my control and the most beautiful words came out of her mouth . . "push if you feel you have to push, just listen to your body". Finally it was all making sense i knew that i had to get into the tub and begin to push this baby out. It was such a relief to finally have some time in between these pushing contractions and i remember not wanting to focus on the pain but instead on the fact that this baby was coming and i was finally going to meet it. One more call was made to Christy who was about 10 minutes away still (I live an hour from Philadelphia). I just kept pushing when i felt i had to push for as long as i was able to push. My body just took over and i knew exactly what to do. I wasn't fighting anything. Christy arrived and 30 minutes more of pushing brought the "ring of fire". I knew i was going to meet this baby soon. Then with a powerful push the head was out. Everyone was assuring me that one more push i could finally see and hold my baby that i've waited 9 months to touch. With all my might i pushed and out she came! An instant feeling of emptiness rushed over me as her soul left my body. Holding her in the water and hearing her beautiful voice let out a cry was such a feeling that i am unable to describe in words. She was here, 10 fingers & 10 toes and i did it - i actually did it! Because of homebirth i was able to prove and remind myself that i am an amazing, beautiful creature that was able to work with god in the miracle of life. This has truly moved me and been such a powerful and gratifying experience. I don't forsee any event topping the birth of my daughter, unles it be another homebirth, of course.

-Valerie, mom of Liliana, born March 2008

Nellie Rocker's Birth...a test of endurance & acceptance

We knew before we even got pregnant that we wanted to have a home birth attended by midwives. We found Christy via the Internet and set up a meeting. It was an instant match for us. Her home office was so peaceful and relaxing - the exact opposite of the medical world I work in (I am an R.N. in the operating room at a Philadelphia hospital).

Our prenatal visits were something we both looked forward to. No matter how tired, stressed or just "pregnant" we were feeling, it all just melted away during the visits where we both felt loved, supported, understood and important.

At 42 weeks labor started. It lasted 4 days. Although it was very long, exhausting and intense, we felt safe in Christy's care. My body was allowed to do what it needed to to reach dilation - something that would never have been allowed in a hospital setting.

After 3 days of labor I was dilated but with a bit of stubborn cervical lip. It wasn't budging despite many position changes. Christy called a fellow midwife for any ideas she might have. After that we used a technique that involved Christy supporting nearly my entire body weight off the side of the bed in a position that did get the job done. I don't know how she could handle being so physical after so many hours of labor. It worked.

Not too much longer and my water broke in the birth tub and then eventually the natural urge to push started. During 5 hours of pushing I felt very safe and encouraged, if tired, after my long labor. Unfortunately at about 4 1/2 hours Christy said we were reaching the limit of safe pushing time at home. If I didn't get the baby out in another half an hour we would need to go to the hospital.

Desperate, tired and shocked that I'd been pushing so long, I was willing to try anything. For 30 minutes we tried positions I hadn't thought I could be bent into before. I pushed till I felt like my joints were coming apart. The Doppler monitored the baby nearly constantly (During the entire 4 days the baby's heart rate had never decelerated). I knew in my heart she was fine but I just couldn't get her the rest of the way out. She was so close I could easily touch her head, but that was as far as it seemed I could get her.

Time was up and we moved on to plan b.

We piled into our truck. Rich drove, I leaned over the car seat in the back and Christy knelt on the floor, coaching me through the urge to push which was so strong now.

At the hospital we were taken right into a room and evaluated by a nurse midwife. Christy had somehow managed to stay at our side - confidently helping me provide my history to this point, despite the cold hostility of the nurse midwife toward her.

We were offered only one option. Caesarean. Christy fought for me, asking why couldn't we try a vaginal delivery? Wouldn't they at least do an exam (NO). An ultrasound revealed what we already knew - the baby had turned posterior (on day 3) and also had her little arm across her neck. She wasn't making things easy!

So, about two hours after entering the hospital our daughter was born via the one way we hadn't wanted - surgery. Christy was still there with Karen (the other midwife) and Laura (the apprentice), waiting for the news. Rich came out to tell them we had just met our beautiful, healthy 8lb 3oz daughter.

After it was all said and done I wouldn't have done anything differently. We didn't get the home birth we wanted but I got to try. No one ever gave up on me, I didn't give up on myself and I feel like we tried as hard as we could to make it happen. I was allowed to go through labor at my body's pace. In the end, the only drugs I had were via an epidural placed minutes before the baby was delivered. As a result of the minimal drugs and a natural labor, she was able to latch right on and never missed a beat - nursing successfully. It didn't all go as we wanted, but it was still all good in the end and we are a happy, healthy little family thanks in no small part to Christy and her supportive team of Karen and Laura.

Tanya, mom of Nellie, born February 2008

Charlotte's Birth...born in the bath!

For my first child, I chose a midwife practice at a hospital in Philadelphia. Since it was my first child, I was especially anxious about any out-of-the-ordinary pregnancy symptoms. There was an answering service to call, but I never knew which midwife I was speaking to since it was a large practice of over 12 midwives. During my prenatal visits, I would sometimes feel even more unsettled when the midwives were unable to answer my questions about testing. They would simply say, "this is what test is done... we recommend you do it..." rather than helping me weigh the pros and cons. I was often seen much later than my scheduled appointment time, further compounding my feeling that they were in a rush to get me in and out.

When I was 42 weeks they told me they would have to induce, even though a stress test said that the baby was fine. Scared of an induction (I wanted to have my baby naturally) I gave myself an enema and my water broke the day I was told to come in. 24 hours after admission I didn't dilate, and for a total of 40 hours I was monitored by machines that were being monitored by midwives and doctors who took turns inserting tubes, fluids, and some drugs that didn't work or caused an adverse reaction. (I had Cervadil with no results, tetanic contractions from Pitocin, two failed epidurals, and a failed manual extraction of a retained placenta with no anesthetic before being wheeled off for a DNC.)

Somehow, and maybe it was just me, it felt like I was imposing by taking too long to dilate, or by complaining of the tetanic contractions, or the fact that the epidurals failed to work. (One midwife actually said, "nobody's epidurals are working tonight..." Not very comforting). I felt as if I was holding them up—like I should let them leave the Pitocin on, suffer from the tetanic contractions with no pain relief and endure them in bed, laying down on my back, unable to move to manage the pain in the ways I learned about in birthing class, or from my birthing books.

So there I was, confined to the bed, strapped to it with tubes, a fetal heart monitor, a noisy blood pressure cuff, and a catheter (because of the epidural that didn't work). After 36 hours I wanted it to end. I broke down and asked for a C-section, but since the baby was fine, and there was no doctor available, they wouldn't give me one. Exhausted, I asked everyone to leave, to let me rest, and I coincidentally went into active labor, pushed for two hours and felt I finally did everyone a favor by having my baby.

It was a dehumanizing and traumatic saga that made me scared to have another baby in the hospital. I know I was really unlucky to have some aspects of the labor, but there were other complications that I felt occurred because I was in a hospital setting.

When I met with Christy and Karen, I walked into Christy’s home and sat downstairs on her couch while she finished her appointment in her room upstairs. I took off my shoes. (There were other patients’ shoes in the waiting area and Christy came down with no shoes on.) When she came downstairs to greet me she hugged me. We went upstairs and I sat on another couch. We talked about what happened to me at the hospital and what kind of services they provided.

I called Christy several times during the first trimester. Let me be clear, I called Christy. Not a disinterested receptionist. Not an answering service. She picked up her phone or called me right back, she listened to and answered my questions, and never failed to demonstrate an enormous knowledge of all things pregnancy related. She educated me. And her availability and willingness to help me was incredibly reassuring. I was being cared for and attended to—as opposed to feeling that I was hassling someone or needed to be assessed immediately for testing. (Sometimes it seemed like the hospital midwives’ motivation was to figure out if there was liability on the line if they did not refer me for tests—there was an obvious protocol).

Christy helped us weigh the pros and cons; it was always our choice to make. We were allowed to be in control. And what is more awesome, is that she let us be in control and always believed we could have a natural, normal homebirth. Sometimes I had trouble believing I could, so we had all kinds of back-up plans. Eventually, I came to believe that, even if it was another long and difficult labor, Christy could handle it. She wouldn't get discouraged, but she would help me get through it.

When I was around 30 weeks pregnant I finally believed I could do it.

And around the time I was due, I did. I gave birth to my baby girl, Charlotte, at home. In the bathtub.

There is not much to say about the birth of my second child except that it was intimate, calm and simple. Oh wait, I was yelling quite loudly—but the environment was otherwise calm. There were no machines making noises or people I never met before walking in and out to look at machines.

It was hard work and it was painful, but I got to be in control of the pain. I rinsed off and climbed into bed with my husband and the baby latched right away. The postpartum care was phenomenal and the care of my brand new baby provided us with the most astounding contrast to that of the hospital. I was never separated, my baby was mine, not theirs to monitor, bathe and test. (Audrey, my first-born was perfectly healthy—just protocol to get tests done.) Charlotte was wrapped in blankets I had used for her sister. I was lying in a bed in my house, and we were eating and being cared for in my familiar surroundings. And the same woman who listened to Charlotte’s heartbeat for nine months in my belly, listened to it out of my belly.

During one of the postpartum visits, Christy climbed right into bed with me to do the blood test (heel prick) on Charlotte, while I nursed to make sure she was soothed during the test. I don't even know who tested my first baby in the hospital. I don't think I ever even saw his or her face.

Just writing about it makes me want to get pregnant again just to have another baby with Christy. It was beautifully simple, as I hoped it would be and as, I think, it should be. Best of all, Christy thinks it can and should be.

And so it went.

Ryan's Birth...slow & steady

Ryan’s Home Birth Story

I went into pre-labor on Saturday around 2am. My contractions were light and variable, but my husband (Bill) and I decided to keep track of them anyway. They didn’t interfere with walking, talking, etc, and we even went to the store during the day to stock up on some things just in case we wouldn’t be able to get out in the next few days.

I had spoken to Christy around 8pm Saturday night just to let her know what had been going on all day, and she told me to call her if anything changed. You always hear that a woman knows when her contractions change, and boy did I know it! It was around 11pm when they started coming about every 10 minutes. I called Christy to fill her in, and she said that it sounded like it was the start of something and that I should try to get as much sleep as possible… but not in the recliner I was trying to relax in. Overnight, I took a couple of baths and napped when I could. My poor husband fell asleep outside the bathroom door.

When we woke up Sunday morning, Bill asked if I wanted him to call Karen, and I said, “Yeah, we better.” At this point, I was still talking through my contractions, and Karen decided to come over to check things out. When she arrived around 9:30am, I was doing circles on the birth ball. I was discouraged to learn that I was only 3cm dilated ☹ It should have clued me in on the battle to come….

We didn’t yet have the birth tub set up, so Karen and Bill immediately set to getting that together. She left to go get us a hose and shower attachment, and by the time she got back, my mom and sister had arrived from Ohio (after leaving at 1am and driving 8 hours straight through) and were eager to help. I continued to labor through all the activity and wasn’t feeling any stress at all. I walked and talked and sometimes laughed through my contractions, and to be honest, I don’t remember when they began getting longer, stronger, and closer together. I do remember my first heavenly dip in the birth tub!!! The warm water washed over my body and instantly relaxed both mind and tired muscles.

Karen left that afternoon, knowing my family was there to help me, and Susi soon arrived. Bless Susi’s heart for she was with me for almost ALL of my labor. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without her there. She was my quiet strength, and it was her that seemed to know when I needed a boost. She read my affirmation cards to bolster my confidence, calmed me during the couple times I just couldn’t “do it anymore,” and it was her that gave me what became my mantra as I moaned through my labor. “Down and out.”

Clothes became too much, and as I was in and out of the tub for the rest of Sunday and some of Monday, I spent the remainder of my labor without the annoying brush of clothing or having to remove them just to put them back on after getting out of the tub. Surprisingly, modesty wasn’t an issue, and it was just easier for me as well as Karen, Christy, and Susi. During that time, I was able to take a couple of naps while listening to various relaxing CD’s. Those breaks proved to be a blessing from my son. Also a blessing was how little my cervix was checked.

My water broke Sunday night around 9:30, and I thought, “Finally, maybe I’ll have this kid tonight.” But, night turned into morning, and morning into noon….

Sometime Monday afternoon, Christy arrived and changed the whole atmosphere of labor in general. All the blinds had been down, leaving it dark with calming music on, and all of a sudden, the blinds were open letting in this glorious energizing light, and there was one of my favorite jam CD’s: Keith Urban’s Golden Road (I’m sure Cassi, my sister, suggested it). Despite the atmosphere, or maybe because of it, everything intensified until I found myself almost meditating during contractions. There were a few that felt like they lasted an hour each, but I still hadn’t reached the point of not wanting to be touched or screaming for everyone to just leave me alone… which surprised me because I tend to be a bit of a drama queen.

Christy massaged my shoulders, Karen blessedly kept the coffee pot outside on our little porch, Cassi made sure I drank something in between each contraction, my mom and Bill took turns bringing me little things to eat or chicken broth to sip on, and Susi was on hand for encouragement. Each member of my labor team was an integral part of the process, and I’m glad they all took turns sleeping… one on the couch, a few on the floor.

It was still light out when I got the urge to push at the end of each contraction, but as it turned out, I had a small anterior lip on the right side. It had been a long while since my water broke, and things weren’t progressing as they should. I found some superhuman strength the second “hospital” was mentioned, and I worked HARD to get rid of it as quickly as possible!!!! I took some homeopathic “uppers” (as I thought of them at the time) to help speed labor along, and I did lunges on our kitchen stepstool to put more pressure on the right side of my cervix during contractions. I used the birth ball a lot, but finally, Christy had to intervene. I found myself laying on my back in my bed while she very painfully yet patiently and gently worked at pushing the last little bit of cervix over my son’s head. I remember at one point screaming, “I just need a break!” But I am eternally grateful she did what she did!!!

What seemed like hours later, I was pushing… sometimes with someone in the room, sometimes all by myself. I tried many different positions, including the VERY INTENSE birth stool, but what turned out to be the most effective was the one I most hated: on my back. My mom, Cassi, and Bill took turns holding my legs for the over 4 hours of pushing because it was too painful to put them down in between. I had no concept of time until the pushing stage, and only because my mom said, “Wow, Gretchen, if you hurry, you could have him at 7:11!” Everything with my mom involves a time of day ending in 11, so this was a joke that everyone laughed at. There were thankfully many moments that I was able to laugh and lighten the mood. I will never sing Josh Groban again without thinking of the “singing vagina!!” Thank goodness Bill wasn’t in the room for that! haha

As much as I wanted a short pushing stage (what woman doesn’t), my son had other ideas. There we were, all 7 of us on the bed, each with a different “job.” It must have been an amazing sight! It took so long, Karen began to sleep in between my contractions (I couldn’t blame her!) while everyone guided me on my pushing technique. I kept wanting to ask Susi if his head was under my pubic bone yet. My mom asked if I could feel him, but I couldn’t feel his position. FINALLY, Susi asked me, “Gretchen, do you want to touch your baby’s head?” I nodded and reached down to feel his head, and shrieked with surprise! For some reason, I didn’t think it would be so hard! I still laugh about my reaction.

A most odd thing happened at this time, one that I didn’t know could happen, and no one else had experienced. My son’s head rotated in the birth canal, and it was the weirdest feeling in the world!!! I asked Christy if she did that, and she said, “No! He did!” We laughed when he did it again after the next contraction. I knew babies turned and twisted to find the easiest path, but I never imagined he would do it while he was crowning!!

Over the next few contractions, I felt the stretch and burn and then with a slippery slide, he slithered out like he was shot from a cannon! There was no waiting after his head came out to push out his shoulders. It’s like he said, “Enough! I’m coming out!” His body followed as soon as his chin was out, and it was such a feeling of relief that I just laid back on the pillows and shut down for a minute. He was born at 11:11pm, and I heard the little chuckles after Susi announced the time. I was barely aware of my son’s little cries, but I came alive the moment he was put on my stomach. Unfortunately, his cord was too short for him to nurse to help me deliver the placenta, but I held him and talked to him. I turned to my mom with tears in my eyes and awe in my voice and said that obvious: “I’m a mom!”

As tired as I was, the placenta was delivered fairly quickly and actually felt kind of good coming out… very slippery and easy. Bill cut the cord. Ryan took to nursing very quickly, but it was awkward trying to nurse while I was laying down, and he left a hickey on each breast when he slipped off my nipple. The initial latch was a shock! The strength in the suck took my breath away! Sometime after he nursed, Cassi brought in a plate of chicken, toast, and cantaloupe, and everyone laughed at how quickly I ate it all. Labor makes a girl hungry!

Bill’s parents had come into town Sunday, so he called to tell them while Cassi called our other sister and dad. Bill’s parents came over briefly, and his mom actually held Ryan before Bill did. She handed him over the instant I made that observation! They left, and Bill & I were suddenly alone with the life we had created and just worked so hard to bring into the world. We held him and talked to him and just gazed at his beautiful face. It was amazing to me how familiar his face already was when 30 minutes before I had never seen it!

Karen, Christy, and Susi came in after a half hour or so to get things moving. Christy helped me to the shower while Susi went through the newborn exam while Karen observed. As good as the shower felt, I wasn’t there when Ryan was weighed and measured or when Bill cut the remaining cord, but thankfully we have a couple pictures.

It was definitely the hardest and most empowering experience of my life! After this, I felt like I could do anything. My only regret is not having pictures or video of my labor or Ryan’s birth. I felt cheated that I was the one doing all the work yet I was the only one who didn’t get to watch my son come out. There are things I also wonder about, even now 20 months later, like if the birth stool would’ve made pushing quicker or if I could’ve done anything differently to speed up my labor. I was ready for labor and birth but not the motherhood that followed, and I often wonder if that thought being in the back of my mind was a roadblock for my labor. At least I know for next time….

Dexter's Birth...Ok baby, Ok baby, Ok baby

Your Birth Storyto Dexter Michael O’Brien born October 5, 2006 at 1:35AM

My pregnancy with you was a busy one. I was working a lot (Note from Christy: Amy, the mama in this birth story is a midwife) and Lucy was becoming a very active and inquisitive 2-year old. I finished two big projects for work about a week before your due date and settled in for some long-awaited nesting time. Grandma came to stay with us on October 1, eight days before you were due. She was a wonderful help – cooking for the whole family, taking Lucy to the museum and the park, even cleaning our house as we waited for your arrival. But by October 4, the day everyone seemed to be predicting you would arrive, I was starting to wonder how long we would all be under one roof waiting for labor to begin.

October 4 was unseasonably warm. I woke up and put a tank top on under a t-shirt. These tops, that had just fit comfortably two days beforehand, all of a sudden would barely stretch over my belly. For the first time I really knew you must be coming soon. I couldn’t imagine getting much bigger. I had a prenatal visit with Karen that morning. In the afternoon, Grandma and I took Lucy to a nearby orchard to feed the chickens, pick a pumpkin and enjoy the playground. A woman with 5 month old twins stopped me to ask when I was due. Then she said, “I had these twins naturally with no drugs and I breastfed them, too!” I loved how eager this woman was to share her story, and welcomed a positive birth story so close to my due date.

That night, Grandma went to bed early and Daddy and I settled in and watched some TV. At 11pm, we decided to head to bed, too. I knew for sure then that I wouldn’t have a baby on October 4, but I also intuitively knew that I would be in labor very soon. As I listened to Daddy drift to sleep, I envisioned myself going into labor, trying to remember what a contraction felt like. The moon was one day shy of full and a storm was coming in. It began to rain and all of a sudden I felt a gentle release from deep inside and warm fluid begin to leak out of me. My water had broken! It was 11:32pm.

I woke Daddy up and he brought me a towel and I headed to the bathroom. The fluid was clear and there was plenty of it – much more than with Lucy. Daddy asked, “What should we do?” I thought about it and realized it made sense to go back to bed. I wasn’t having any contractions or other signs of active labor. We might have had a long night ahead of us and I wanted to get some rest. After cleaning up, I lay down on my side and closed my eyes. Within 10 or so minutes, I felt the first cramp deep in my low belly. There were a few more that came irregularly after that. By 12:30 I was moaning through them and realized they were about 4 minutes apart. I told Dad to call the midwives and I went down the hall to wake up Grandma. “Are you ready to meet your next grandchild?” I asked her. I returned to the bedroom and sat on the birth ball, leaning on the edge of the bed. Grandma called Alisa and Skye, the two friends I had invited to the birth. Alisa was another midwife at the birth center and she had great energy around births. Skye was my closest friend in Wilmington. We invited her to be there to look after Lucy. I knew that if Lucy wanted to be present at the birth, Skye’s calm presence would help her feel safe and secure in the midst of it.

Karen was the first to arrive, and she quietly set up her supplies. Alisa arrived right after her and went straight to my side, telling me I was doing great. Grandma was busy during this time getting the house ready for the birth and preparing my postpartum meal. Daddy was by my side, pressing on my back when I needed it, and quietly just being there and supporting my instincts.

I stayed on the birth ball through my entire labor, first sitting on it at the edge of the bed, and when the deep cramps began to feel too intense in that position, I moved to hands and knees on the bed, hugging the ball in front of me. Each contraction began to feel more intense than the last one and I was feeling an opening sensation deep in my pelvis. Grandma asked Karen if she wanted to some coffee and Karen said she’d go and get herself some. I said, “Karen, don’t go too far.” It had only been about 1 ½ hours since my water broke but I was already feeling the beginnings of an urge to push. Part of me was sure I was imagining it because, although I expected my labor to be fast, it was hard to believe it could be under 2 hours. And things had only been intense for about 30 minutes. But with the next contraction I felt this deep guttural grunt rise out of my chest and everyone in the room knew immediately that I was in transition. I don’t remember who was doing or saying what, but I recall a general sense of a circle forming around me, supporting and containing the incredible energy of my labor.

Throughout the active labor I was instinctively repeating a mantra, “OK baby, OK baby, OK baby.” As things got more intense I would draw out the O, “Ohhhhhh K baby.” It morphed into the word “open.” “Ohhhhhh-pen, Ohhhh-pen.” I was on my hands and knees on the bed with my arms wrapped around the birth ball in a big “O”. I remember trying to envision my arms in an “O” and my mouth in an “O” and releasing every muscle to form a big “O” to let you through.

All of a sudden, I felt a popping sensation and there was another gush of fluid. Immediately, I felt the most intense urge to push. It felt like a freight train was inside of me, pushing you out. I couldn’t control any of it and it took a contraction or two for me to realize I shouldn’t try to control it. With every push I felt you move down. Christy, the other midwife, arrived while I was pushing and came right to my side to support me. At one point Karen examined me. It was the first and only exam in my labor – in fact in my whole pregnancy! I was grateful because it hurt like hell. All of the sensations were so intense and having her hand there burned like crazy. But it was over in no time and she confirmed what everyone in the room was absolutely sure of – you were going to be born any minute.

With a few more pushes you were born. Skye walked in right as your head was beginning to emerge. My birth team was complete just in time! There was an intense burning sensation when you were born because you had your hand up right next to your cheek. I birthed you into Karen’s hands and I was facing forward so everyone else saw you before I had a chance to. Grandma yelled, “it’s a boy!” It was the only thing I wasn’t grateful to her for. I always envisioned discovering all your little parts – including whether you were a boy or a girl – together with Daddy before anyone else chimed in. But she was so excited and couldn’t contain herself. That woman loves her grandkids more than you can imagine! You’re a lucky boy.

We untangled you from your umbilical cord and I turned around and got my first look at you. You were calm and peaceful at first and then gave out a hearty cry. Daddy was already down the hall getting Lucy out of her crib. I will absolutely never forget the pure delight and enormous smile she had that first time she saw you in my arms. What an amazing feeling it was for all of us to finally have our whole family together in one bed.

It felt like a party after your birth. Everyone floated happily in and out of the room while I lay in the bed getting to know you, nursing, and eating scrumptious home made quiche that Grandma brought. Christy gave me a fantastic foot rub and we all hung out into the wee hours of the morning talking about what an amazing birth it was. Lucy came in a few times to check out her new baby brother and help the midwives with your newborn exam. It felt like this little bubble of ecstatic energy in the middle of a city that was fast asleep.

Eventually, everyone went home and we all settled in for some needed rest as a family of four. I was so grateful to be able to snuggle up in my own bed and get to know you. Later, the house would be full of visitors again and then of course there was plenty to do to prepare for our move to Connecticut less than four weeks later. But that first day was all about us, and it was pure bliss.

Griffin's Birth...a trip to laborland!

Birth StoryGriffin – July 22, 2006

Our initial plan was to give birth at a birth center with a doula, but as we began educating ourselves through a Bradley childbirth class, I began to feel strongly that a homebirth was the only way to have the birth I really wanted – natural, calm, free of fear or intervention. Happily, even though I was 7 months pregnant, Christy had room in her schedule for us, and we made the switch. Wow, what a difference in care! Though we only had a couple of months until the birth, we immediately began to build a relationship based on trust, and I felt none of the anonymity and creepiness of a normal medical encounter. (I’m already looking forward to having a whole 9 months of this tender loving care with my next child!)

I had been leaking fluid very slowly throughout the day, and had an appointment the next morning with Christy if I didn’t go into labor. We ate dinner and watched a little TV and went to bed, but around 10:30 pm I felt a stronger gush of fluid and by 11 I knew I has having contractions, and I woke Soup up to time them so I could focus on them. By 1:30, I was in active labor – my contractions were already 3 minutes apart, and lasting a minute, and I asked Soup to make the calls – to Wendy, our doula, and to Christy and her apprentice at the time, Susi. Then I went into laborland and retreated from the outside world.

At the beginning, I remember being on my hands and knees in the bathtub in the dark, with the warm water raining down on my back. I was so surprised at the intensity of the pain, and the quickness of the contractions. I had barely recovered my breath and returned to a state that more closely resembled calm, when another contraction came – only one to two minutes apart. Each time, I was shocked by the intensity. I kept assuming it would get easier, or more bearable, and kept being amazed that it was not. I met every single contraction with sound, vocalizing moans – I could not have kept quiet if I tried!

When Wendy arrived at 2:15 am, I heard her voice as she began to encourage me. I don’t remember seeing her face, or much of anything at all, during the entire labor; I kept my eyes closed and retreated. I was grateful for her presence, and soon for Christy’s and Susi’s presences as well, but I had a hard time incorporating their voices into what I was feeling. I felt the contractions almost exclusively in my back because (as we found out later) Griffin had his arm wrapped around his chest and his hand on his opposite cheek, so that his elbow pressed against the bones of my pelvis. This pressure of bone-on-bone made for intense backpain, and while I wanted relief from it so badly, I couldn’t bear for anyone to touch me. I kept trying to reach around and massage my own back, but had limited success – I couldn’t do this during the contractions because I needed to hold on or press against something with my arms, and the time in between the contractions was so short, and much of it spent trying to catch my breath.

I moved onto the bed for a while as Soup and the women worked to fill the birth tub, which took up all the floor space in the bedroom. I couldn’t get comfortable: on my knees draped over the birth ball, on my side pulling my knee to my chest. I kept trying to escape from the sensations, fighting to get away from the pain. Around 3:45, Christy checked my cervix, and I was almost fully dilated – and thankfully the tub was almost full. Right after getting in I started to feel the urge to push. The warm water in the tub felt good, but I was nauseous and my legs cramped when I tensed my body against the contractions.

Christy and Wendy tried to help me relax and gather the pain, and this was so counterintuitive and so difficult! While I felt everything physically, the challenge seemed more mental – I had to accept the pain and then will myself to move deeper into it, to embrace it, to be enveloped by it, to actively seek out its depths. This was incredibly hard. But I think I began to understand it when I finally began to push very strongly towards the end (when I had moved out of the tub). This was a whole new skill, something I’d never had to do before – in the rest of life, this fight-or-flight reaction to pain is usually helpful! – and I only had a few hours of (very intense) labor to discover and accept that it was needed, to practice and get better at it.

Soup moved into the tub with me to support me as I pushed, encouraging me. Over the next hour, I moved around in the tub from hands and knees, to sitting, to squatting. Christy and Susi and Wendy kept me hydrated, helping me drink between each and every contraction. It was a hot summer night, and after an hour or so in the tub, Christy suggested I take a break so I didn’t become overheated. I labored on the toilet for a little while to give my legs a break, but I was feeling really tired, so I moved onto the bed in a side-lying position to save some energy while I pushed.

I felt like I had been actively pushing since the first strong contraction, and that I had been feeling that “ring of fire” the whole time, but I was wrong – ha!. I used Soup for physical support more and more as I got more tired, and finally, around 6:00 am I was kneeling with one foot up, leaning over Soup’s back while he knelt on all fours. I did wonder what was taking so long – it felt like I had been pushing his head out forever – but finally Christy told me she could see Griffin’s head, and she showed me with the hand-mirror. “Help me feel it,” I said, and she helped me reach around my still-giant belly to touch his head. Oh, that was the moment I’d been waiting for – it was finally real and I knew it wouldn’t last much longer. I was so relieved that I was getting close, and it gave me a surge of excitement to know Griffin was so close to being born. Catching a glimpse of the morning sun through the blinds was a shock; it didn’t feel like I had been up all night – how could it already be morning? Christy guided my pushing, helping me to not bear down too hard while she supported my perineum so that I wouldn’t tear as I pushed Griffin’s head – and hand– out. Things were moving so quickly that I never got a chance to get back in the tub, and while I had hoped for a waterbirth, the position I chose ended up being a great one, since Christy was able to support me so well.

When he finally came all the way out, Christy wiped Griffin’s face quickly as he lay where he landed on the bed, and then she placed him in my hands as he cried lustily for a good minute. It had been a hard, fast journey for him; his head was very long from being squeezed, and he had a big bruise on the back of his head. He was in such a hurry to come out quickly, he got a bit banged up in the process! Holding him, I simply sat down on the bed, leaned against some pillows and held him to my chest. No moving around, no putting on clothes, no drive home; I was home. And the pain was gone. I was exhausted but elated and the pain was gone.

The milky white cord still held him to me, connecting him to my womb, and after about thirty minutes, the midwives asked if I’d like to sit up in a squat to encourage the placenta to come out, or they could put some traction on the cord. I asked them to pull me up into a squat, with Griffin still in my arms, and the placenta slid out instantly. Susi showed it to us and after a while Soup cut the cord and Susi took the placenta to my studio to make some prints with it. Soup and I were so happy – what a rush! We felt completely amazed at the presence of this new human being, already learning how to nurse.

After a while, Christy asked if I would like to take a shower, and she helped me walk in to the bathroom and supported me while I stood under the water. That shower felt amazing. Christy helped me into my special underwear, instructed me on how to care for my healing parts, and was so tender and kind and loving. She even brought me a beautiful plate of food soon after. I felt completely surrounded with care and support throughout that night, and in the days and weeks following the birth, as the midwives called and visited me and Griffin often. Christy recommended that I rest in bed and avoid stairs for two weeks, and that time was a wonderful cocoon of bonding with Griffin and healing my body. I’m so grateful to have had such a peaceful birth.

Virginia and Pete (“Soup”)